Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Sneak attack

What do you think of when you think of Ireland? Rolling green pastures? Friendly people? Rainbows with pots of gold at the end? Sheep? There couldn't possibly be a single threat to your life in such a peaceful, civil nation.


I am sick of reading about all these other Penn Staters and their "dangerous" lives in Ecuador, France, Australia, State College, whatever. As if electrocution, getting mugged, falling down ski slopes and breaking your entire body, and XL poisonous spiders are even that bad! Ireland is way more terrifying and I am here to explain to you how this is so.

I had a recent run in with death yesterday morning at about 6:30 AM. I woke up to a faint, low buzzing sound coming from my window. I didn't know what time it was and there was daylight shining through the blinds so I assumed it was just one of Gort na Coiribe's yellow-jacketed maintenance men trimming bushes out front and fell back to sleep. Then I had an awful dream that a large, blue bat-like creature was trying to bite me in my bedroom, so I woke up half an hour later, frantic. I could still hear buzzing...and that's when I saw a shadow inside the curtains on my bedroom window. As I approached the window and pulled aside the curtain, I was startled not to find a maintenance man outside, but a new yellow-jacketed terror:

After almost suffering heart failure from pure, unadulterated shock, I quickly came to, grabbed my Penn State 2008-2009 Academic Planner, and obliterated the offender. Then to ensure the kill, I picked up one of my Timbs, jammed that sucker into the floor, and wrapped it in Kitten Soft toilet paper before flushing it down the toilet. My roommate thanked me for saving his life and I fell back to sleep, no big deal. Tell me that isn't worse than almost tumbling down a mountain in a bus! And whoever told you that kind doesn't bite is a liar!

Ireland is filled with numerous other life hazards, if you think about it. Towering sea cliffs, seals, precariously located parking lots, angry boyfriends...you name it, we've got it here. So stop thinking that Ireland is some lightweight's study abroad destination! We don't drink copious amounts of Guinness and Jameson because we're babies...we are constantly toughening our bodies and minds for the perils that lie before us! You will only know true fear and real adventure once you have been on the Emerald Isle.

1 comment:

  1. Bitch please.